There’s Knowing and there’s Understanding and they really are two distinct things. Perhaps you both may need to work with a therapist to help get to the real understanding. Another problem is that if you do say what you need to say, is it heard as you intended? Your husband needs to be able to process what he was told and figure out how to respond. I think the situation becomes very complicated when it involves someone that you have considerable feelings for (considering both people), so a therapist can act as sort of a buffer, interpreter and as a neutral third party in order to keep the discussions useful.
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