Hi Roz ,
It’s a catch 22 , damned if you and damned if you don’t . Working in the medical field can be risky for us . Even though they can’t share the info in your file , it doesn’t stop any of the other doctors looking in your file . Either way I would out myself to my wife first before I even told anyone at work . Home life should be a safe heaven . I wouldn’t want my wife to find out form someone else , this will create more emotional pain adding to it even more .
I have been outed by people before and it’s not a very comfortable feeling at all when one starts this journey . When I first came out to friends I asked them what if you were born the opposite sex , what would your life be like ? What would you do for your career choice ? Would you be married or traveling the world ? What type of hobbies do you think you would be interest in ? Would you be attractive to short or tall people ? Etc …etc …and listen to there responses . It was questions that made them think and I got very interesting responses . Ones that were open and honest in their answers I keep as friends , ones which had a negative attributes , they were no longer friends .
I’m not saying this will work for you but I hope it gives you some aid on opening up to your wife , open and honest communication not just with yourself but each other .