Reply To: Ready to come out but how???

DeeAnn Hopings


Coming out is never an easy process, but it must be done. The main reason is that you need to be able to tell your story, your way. Allowing someone else to tell your story is called “losing the narrative”. Once that happens it is very difficult to regain the narrative. You are put on the defensive and it is hard to undo that. The other thing that may happen is that if someone has a bias against trans people, your story will get distorted and it will put you in a very bad light.

So, that’s the Why. What does the How look like?

What is needed is a very straightforward approach to what you are going to say. Be very specific about how you currently feel and how things have gone for you in the past. Don’t apologize for what you know to be true about yourself. After all, you are baring your soul and telling your story. There may be questions about why you feel the way you do. There is no answer to that question and some others as well. In parallel, we don’t ask someone why their eyes are blue, do we? Our gender identities, and also our sexuality, are just part of us. We don’t change. What we do is discover or realize how things really sit for us. However, in many cases what we have done over the years is suppress or ignore our true feelings.

You may need to capture your thoughts by writing them down. That can help to crystalize things for you. However, I would advise against reading what you wrote to others. I say that because I think you may lose some sincerity in the process.

Anyway, this is the way that makes the most sense to me, and it is what I did. But, this is NOT the only way. Above all, you need to be comfortable with what you are going to do.

So, be thoughtful. Be deliberate. Be sincere. Explain terms that others may not be familiar with.

Good Luck!

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