Reply To: Regrets?


Perhaps it is not my place to reply to this subject. I do finally accept the fact that I am a woman. Trans is an adjective that defines an aspect of my womanhood. However I have not completed nor started transition. I have contemplated it from every angle possible (I think) and long for full time womsnhood, as I have posted previously on other forum posts.

So why comment here?

I have spoken to a number of full time all-the-surgeries trans women. One is a doctor, who as part of her practice, works with trans-women at the beginning of their journey. In her conversations with me she spoke very confidently that I was trans. “Normal men don’t desire the things in your heart, Charlene. Women desire those things for themselves. Indeed you are a woman.” I had suspected such. Her thoughts helped to confirm and enable me to better embrace this life changing truth.

Those ladies I have spoken to all have told me that you are ready to transition when you come to the point in your heart where you would rather die then continue as a male. Now, I understand that may not be everyone’s experience, but it was the experience of the ladies that I spoke to and whom I trust deeply.

I haven’t begun trandition because I am not there yet. Perhaps I will never be, but in my mind the consequences that lay ahead of me for “failing to get this right” are too grave to “get this wrong.”

I have heeded their litmus test. . . . “you would rather die then continue as a male.” Thus, though a woman who is trans, I live with the constant tension between my physical personhood and my inner authentic gender. To be sure it is not easy, as no doubt we all know. And I envy and admire so many here who have been able to achieve your dream of authentic personhood.

I suspect that is why I come here to TGH. You all, where ever you are in your journey, help me to manage my own dysphoria until the day comes when I finally find whatever it is that one needs to find in order to cross the gender divide into authentic personhood.



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