Reply To: When did you start to suspect you needed to transition

[Alexandria (AKA Alex)]

Hi Vanessa, here is my reply that may come as a surprise.
I never did. I never gave it a thought. I lived inside my allocated male shell and got on with life. There was me on the inside, and that outer male skin that I avoided at all costs. The world saw him…I didn’t look. The mirror, camera and shop window reflection…my enemy. That’s just not me I always thought and the dysphoria was intense.
I am a woman, though I don’t think I ever thought of it that way…I was just me. All my friends were woman, all my emotions feminine and all the male attributes so revered by everyone…worthless and rather comical to me. I read women’s magazines, went clothes shopping with my sisters, loved makeup, shoes and romantic films. Always one of the girls really…with no interest in male pursuits, values or camaraderie. I have spent my whole working life in the visual arts so it was easier to be asexual, surrounded by women and adorable gay men haha. Not many ‘butch’ men in my world lol.
I did reach a moment in 2020 when I realised the ‘shell’ had to go, not to become a woman but to stop pretending to be a man. It came through a chance photo taken in 2014 I think. In it I looked like a woman…that’s me I thought. I found out about HRT and the rest as they say is history. Here I am and will never look back, that shell went out with the trash.