Reply To: When did you start to suspect you needed to transition


Started dressing as a teen, and dismissed it as a phase. In my 20s I labeled it a fetish. I think I began accepting it was neither some time during my late 20s early 30s. It was then that I started to allow myself to ask the question “am I really a woman?” Most times I would still answer “I dont think so” and when I did start saying “yes, I am” I’d quickly dismiss it.

“It can’t be. No way. This is so difficult and complicated, the answer cannot be that easy,” I would say in response.

I now realize I was making excuses, and could not cope with the truth. I have been doing that for decades.

I think I knew something was very different even as a little kid (5-6-7 years old). I felt like no one really understands me… which morphed into no one gets all of me. How could they get all of me, when I was keeping such a massive part of self hidden.

More recently, I have been more honest with myself and my spouse. She has helped in that she is not rejecting me out of hand though she has struggled terribly with it. I think we have both been “transitioning” together actually. We have been talking more about it, and I have more recently decided that if the opportunity comes, I will begin by discussing hormones with a doctor (its only on hold now as I am fighting cancer and that has to be my priority obviously).

Denial, coping, fear, anxiety — hell — probably has made me sick — literally. I have been down the shoulda-coulda-woulda road but that is a dead end. I am where I am, and I have to contend with what is in front of me. I hope those reading this and unsure will be inspired to act — to be the true self sooner rather than later.

2 users thanked author for this post.

©2022 Transgender Heaven | Privacy | Terms of Service | Contact Vanessa | Affiliate

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Transgender Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.