Reply To: Pronouns ?

DeeAnn Hopings


Pronouns are a very personal thing. Two things come to mind. One is how we feel internally and the other is how we wish to be seen externally.

Internally is pretty locked in for whatever that may be. It is how we think of ourselves without any external factors. In other words, there is no compromise.

Externally, what is significant for me is that my pronouns are consistent with how I am presenting. I present as DeeAnn probably 98% of the time. It is how I am known here. When I am asked for pronouns, for a ZOOM call for example, I use she/hers without hesitation. On those rare occasions when I present as Don, such as when we did vaccines back in the Spring, certainly the expectation is he/his. In that situation, being referred to as she/hers would be really odd and inappropriate.

To me, it is about clarity. Sometimes you may see folks dressed in a completely feminine outfit, but with a beard. I don’t mind if people do that as they are a part of my community. However, it is likely very confusing for those outside of the community. While my mindset is non-binary, my presentation (and expectation of pronouns) will never be.

But, this is the sort of thing that everyone needs to sort out for themselves. If we are not comfortable internally, we will never be able to convince anyone externally…

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