Reply To: Am I really mtf? How do I tell my wife?

[Jackie Rusalka]

Good point… I agree with your statement that CDs are on the TG spectrum.  For me that was a hard acknowledgement, and I’ve asked myself why.  Names can sting.  Especially in a world that still fears something they don’t understand.  In my professional mode, I ask questions about gender identity “Male ? Female? Transgender ?” as it states on the form. It’s not mandatory to answer.  I tell them they don’t have to answer or can answer “other” if they wish.   More often than not I’m met with silence.  Many times the reaction is as if I had just insulted them. This always surprises me.  That it’s such an affront to their vision of masculinity.  It took me years to finally understand that the clothes I chose to wear did not define my gender.   That I presented daily as male did not negate that I’ve always felt I am a woman. Self acceptance was the mental block for me.   I think the ongoing public conversations we see now in the media and courts about gender is healthy and is helping.
But we have a long way to go before women are on the bridge of the Star Trek Enterprise and referred to as “Mister” as a form of professional respect detached from gender stereotypes. When I see a visceral, almost violent response to the question of gender I’m often tempted to ask why the insult, don’t you love your mom? Your sister?