Hi Jessica, I understand exactly how you feel. I was so tortured for much of my adult life. I’ve been married for 40 years and finally felt like I couldn’t bear up under the load of guilt, shame, fear, and sadness about not living the life I could be living. So, last July I revealed the crossdressing to my wife and we have been trying to figure things out. I realized in therapy that just being a closeted CD was not going to solve my anxiety and I actually need to transition. So, with my wife’s (grudging) support I started HRT after Thanksgiving. I don’t know how far I need to go down this path, but I do know I can’t hide my feminine side and it needs to be the predominant part of my life going forward.
I don’t have any easy answers for you, but I do know since I’ve made the decision to prusue HRT I feel a lot more calm inside. But the guilt of hiding is replaced by the guilt that my marriage may not survive the process. We who transition need to remeber that our SOs are transitioning too. Not physically, but emotionally and psychologically for sure.
Take care of yourself and realize that God loves us just as we are and it’s not “bad” to want a full life. I look at this as any other medical condition that can be treated by medicine, therapy, and maybe surgery to restore someone to health.
DM me anytime, GF!
Hugs,
Brielle 💋
-44x44.jpeg){kind=small}
