That’s too bad, Carly! I can tell how much you have invested in the relationship, but unfortunately once we’ve broken trust it’s almost impossible to reclaim it. I actually did offer to my wife to try to purge, but I also said I couldn’t guarantee I could completely stop. I knew it was a risk, but at the time my marriage really did come first. I was fortunate that my wife did understand I couldn’t stop and she didn’t really want me to. As time and therapy went on, I changed my mind and decided my mental health has to come first, in order for me to be a good mate. She still agrees, but hasn’t agreed she will stay once the transition is too much for her to accept. We won’t know until we get there (although if I get vaginoplasty she will leave – and I don’t at all blame her).
I wish I knew of a way for you to be true to yourself and do everything your SO wants. To be fair, what if she said she wanted to dress and look like a man and take testosterone? What would your reaction be, assuming you did not crossdress or have any thought of transitioning yourself?
If you two do try to talk things through, I can’t stress enough how crucial it is for you BOTH to be totally, brutally honest with each other. It may hurt terribly, and you may elect to go your separate ways, but holding anything back will just hurt her worse later on. I wish you good chance and all the best!