Reply To: New UK Trans-girl looking for friends and advice

[Brielle]

Hi Cassie, you are so brave! I have come out to my wife and most of my medical team, but no one else so far. I would like to alreday be FT as a woman, but I guess I’m just afraid of what other people I know will say or think (sound familar? giggle). My eyes, chin, mouth, and neck are far from feminine. But onec I get makeup, false lashes or mascara, and “lippy” on, it really changes my whole look. My avitar picture is unretouched. You woukd be shocked to see me in drab.

I guess what I’m trying to say is we all are very self-conscious of our look as we begin getting out. What you’ll find is most people won’t even know or react. They are concerned with themselves. You may get a longer than usual glance, and a few women may actually give you a sly smile that says “I know, but you are safe”. I would bet the other women in the salon would be encouraging and polite. The salon would want to maintain a safe place for any customer.

If you feel able, maybe call a couple of salons and ask if they are trans-friendly or have a stylist that works with transwomen. They may have accomodations like a chair at the rear of the shop. If that just isn’t a thing you can do, ask your mum if she has a friend that can help you with the makeup in private, or maybe she could call the salon for you and go with you. You could have a mum and daughter “spa day”! I think once you have a proper makeover your fears of going out will vanish!! I know I feel so confident when I’m all made up. Way different than the shy, boring guy I am the rest of the time.

I know how hard it is with Autism. For what it’s worth, I NEVER initiated social events with friends. I’m happy to socialize, but always resist picking up the phone. But when I’m Brielle, I’m quick to make friends and I somehow became more of a social butterfly. I need to work on my voice (a LOT!) to feel comfortable on the phone, but I’m lucky to have a local group on the Meetup app that has monthly meetings to socialize.

I’m just trying to give encouragement, so please only do what you are comfortable doing. Baby-steps are fine. One of the biggest things you’ve done is tell your mum – that’s HUGE! If the mask is a way of giving you security, just continue wearing it when you go out. You are definitely pretty enough with it, girlfriend!

Hugs,

Brie