http://Hi Sam i was moved by your post. Reminded me of my beginning. I am 60 years old and knew from the age of 16 that i would definitely transition as soon as i could. Needless to say took me til i was 40 to start. But I did. And I faced somewhat you’ve are facing with family. I was disowned for the most part. I have to tell you most of the ones who rejected me eventually came around. The ones who haven’t are no great loss inbthe great scheme of things. By the way excuse my typos I’m not great at catching them all.
As for your binding issues yhey sound significant to me and I empathize with your pain. I am a thin man about 63 kgs and I too was not very well endowed up top. I was an average b cup. Rather than binding with tape or wide elastic I decided to order a male compression shirt. It was advertised as a posture and chest compression shirt. It was very comfortable and flattened my chest to a degree that I just looked like I had well developed pecs. I dint know if something like this would work for you but I do know it was much more comfortable than the wide elastic bandages I started out with. I also spoke to a pharmacist that I knew and trusted and he was able to hook me up with what is called a gynocomastic compression garment. This is something meant to be worn after major chest and abdominal surgery. Might be something else you can look into.
I would also consider going online to look up available gender counseling services available in the nearest major city to you. If your Dr is not helping you navigate thru the system push to see someone else. Remember you are your best advocate. There is a world of help out there just for the asking . You are not alone. Everything you are experiencing is part of the journey we all have gone thru or are going thru now.
One of the first things I started was the process of changing my identification papers with my new name. I had to wait quite a few years to get the gender designation changed but have a driver’s license with my new name nit my dead name on it made me feel much better. I too cannot stand the hearing of my dead name, seeing it in print or anywhere near me. It wasn’t who I am at all and having to show ID was always difficult. Once I had the ID with my new name I felt encouraged in my journey.
I fortunately was able to make what some called a geographic cure. I moved to a new city far enough away haha no one knew me. New Dr new job new nightlife. New social life in which I could start out in my new real identity. Just something to think about as I don’t know your situation.
Just so you know things do get better with time. Ive been completely transistioned now for about 15 years and although I experienced some pain and loss I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.
You can contact me if you wish I will answer any question that comes to your mind on any subject no matter how trivial or even embarrassing.
Just a little afterthought I am 60 years old, married to a confirmed lesbian for 33 years, no children, 1 dog, 3 siamese cats, retired professional picture framer and gift shop owner and I live in Northern Ontario Canada