Reply To: Did your dysphoria and self loathing get worse before coming out?

#126185

Hey Sir… I felt EXACTLY this when I was trying to come out. I wanted Jessica SO BAD, but I was terrified. See, I was on drugs for a very long time because it helped me with the pain and anxiety of keeping my true identity a secret.. And to me, I felt like..TRAPPED.. Like I’m wrongly accused of a crime and locked inside this prison of my body..you know? I felt a lot of self pity.. I got sober, and after about 4months with no drugs, I started to get panicked about my skin again… She wouldn’t stay hidden anymore, and I didn’t want her to..I was very afraid though. My counselors and the director here where I am in treatment helped me. Every time I tell someone else, I feel a little happier, a little lighter… it’s the best decision I ever made. I have been moved out of the men’s part and in with the other girls, my brother didn’t even miss a beat..it took me 10mins of beating around the bush to finally tell him, and all he said is, That’s it? Bro, I don’t care…I mean Sis.. I still love you. My family had abandoned me because of the drugs and I was just getting them back, and was VERY afraid of losing them again. But I haven’t. Everyone I’ve told, with the exception of a couple ppl that don’t really matter anyway, has accepted Jessi…I’m SO HAPPY right now. My life is better than it has EVER been… Please don’t stay someone who you know you aren’t. I wasted a LOT of my life being unhappy, and I’ll do everything I can to help other people to not do the same. It feels amazing, and you’ll feel so much better after. And listen, it’s not as bad as you think. Family is Family…usually no matter what. There ARE exceptions, but people that truly love you WILL remain…and at the very least, you’ll be rid of the people in your life that are fake, right? If no one has told you today…You’re a strong, handsome, amazing man and I love you! 💋

💕 – Jessi

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