Hi Gerianne, I’m a bit older than you but have a similar story to yours. I came out to my wife as a crossdresser last july, one month before our 40th anniversary. She was empathetic, then angry and hurt. A couple of moths and therapy sessions later, I told her that a secret CD on occasion would not make me feel better – I needed to pursue HRT to ease how I felt inside. That set off a cascade of new fears and resentments and my wife felt like she couldn’t trust me or believe me for a while. She is still here, but there is no guarantee we’ll stay together. But as badly dysphoric as I’ve been we might not have made it anyway.
I wish I could give you better news, but waiting to tell your wife probably won’t make it easier. Maybe discussing it together with your therapist would help. It may not be this way, but I’m afraid the longer you wait to tell her you need more than you are experiencing now will make it that much worse for both of you. It can get very brutal, but total honesty is the best thing for both of you, I think.
PM me anytime if you want to chat privately. I’m not an “old hand” at this, and only a few months ahead of you in dealing with it, but I can at least let you know what didn’t work for me so you can avoid major pitfalls.