This isn’t as much a direct reply to your post as it is my thoughts that were triggered by it.
It’s always astonishing to me how many of us on this site have suppressed this longing and sadness for half a lifetime or more, just trying to be responsible in our relationships to our loved ones and family and the society we live in. And we’ve been doing it since we were little girls. I think we must be damn good people.
But there comes a time when even good, caring people have to take steps to free themselves and be who they are. Otherwise we may be lost forever.
Gerianne, I can’t predict what will happen to you. Just take one step at a time and be the loving person I know you are. You will come out all right. Share with us going forward. We care.