Reply To: When did you start to suspect you needed to transition

#126732
Aria
FREE

I have always been fascinated by the female form, and not necessarily sexually.  One of my earliest memories was of slipping on a pair of kitten heels that my mother owned.  I think that was the only thing I tried on for quite awhile.  I always loved to cook, sew and I learned how to crochet, my mom taught me all of that.

I think the first time I tried on any women’s clothing I was probably about 14.  I was home from school for Parent/Teacher Conference and my parents had to work and couldn’t go until after 5pm.  So, I had the entire house to myself.  When I had finished dressing, I was amazed how comfortable I was….  like I really belonged in a skirt, blouse and pantyhose.

I didn’t really think too much about it, but I knew normal “guys” shouldn’t dress in the opposite clothing.  I didn’t understand what the fuss was but… Oh well.

I did most of the guy things, like baseball, football, hunting and fishing.  Plus I got sexually curious about girls/women in general.  I graduated H.S. and went into to National Guard to get electronics training.  I came home and married my H.S. sweetheart.

I crossdressed as often as I could, but was still in the closet with friends and family.  But, as I got older, it increasingly became aware that being a guy wasn’t as fulfilling as it once was.  I was not whole.  My problems started to grow and by the time I was in my 30’s, I started to have bouts of depression , I was in a very dark place for quite a while.

I had to retire at the age of 51 due to a heart attack I suffered.  Man, talking about almost being suicidal.  So, I told my regular doctor my problems.  She referred me to a Therapist and after about 2-3 months suggested that I could be at least bi gendered.

I now feel much better about myself after starting HRT and coming out to my wife and daughter.  It was a rough couple of years for my wife and myself but we have made it through.  I understand that a great percentage of marriages break up over this kind of problem.  Thank God, mine is still intact !

XO

Aria

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