I came out to my wife a month before our 40th anniversary. She asked me the same question then and I said I didn’t and I wasn’t gay or bi or anything. I enjoyed crossdressing and feeling like a woman but I didn’t want to live as one I didn’t think.
After a few months of therapy she again asked me and then I said I wasn’t sure, but I always wanted to have my own breasts and feel like a woman. I learned I have gender dysphoria (have had mosyt of my life I think) and the only way to feel like a whole person is to pursue HRT and transition (partially – I still don’t think I want GRS).
So here I am today, on estradiol and feeling a few small changes starting to happen. My wife is terrified and isn’t sure she can love or live with a transwoman. I rarely underdress – if it can’t be fully en femme, I’d just as soon not wear anything. I plan to go FT in Jan 2023, though.
Thanks for sharing – it is a complicated answer and we all are going to be in a unique place.