Reply To: New Here, Questioning

#129213

1. Hard to say. I remember really wanting to wear a dress when I was 5, and being confused and disappointed when I wasn’t allowed to. I’ve certainly thought at various points in my life “I’d be better off as a woman”.

2. I came to this conclusion myself, unless you are counting online resources as suggestions.

3. Again hard to say. One of the things that got me considering this was seeing people’s pre and post transition photos. On the left there’s always this dead eyed, scraggly looking dude, and on the right someone happy and beautiful and confident. I want my own after photo, I want to be beautiful, I want to be a real person and not the hollow human shaped thing that I feel like.

4. Sorry, but I really have no idea. As it stands, if I’m lucky, I will be in the same prison I’ve built for myself, just 10 years older and dealing with whatever cataclysms come up. I don’t like to think about being any unlucky outcomes.

5. It hurts to take inventory of the people around me and understand that if I ever pulled the trigger on this, or if they even knew I thought about it that, some of them would no longer respect me, if not outright hate me. Then again, those people are at best bores with small minds, imaginations, and hearts or just plain fascists and in either case I should not need or even want their approval.

I’m afraid I could lose my job. I have no specific reason to believe I would, but it happens. I’m afraid of discrimination and bigotry in general.

HRT sounds very appealing, but I understand that it isn’t risk free and that I might not like everything it does. While I certainly do want a softer, more feminine physique, I am concerned about losing muscle. I’m probably freaking myself out over nothing there though. I’m concerned about the potential loss of sexual function, but I’m also 28 and have never been so much as kissed, so I guess there isn’t anything to worry about there either.

6. I spend a lot of time just sort relitigating all of this with myself, and the answer always comes out to “Yes, I do want this”. If nothing else I need to try and experiment, because the genie isn’t going back into the bottle. I tried that already.

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