Reply To: New Here, Questioning


Hi Ashley,

I’m a pretty mature transgender person and after decades of uncertainty, I remain uncertain.   I suppose that is because I actually feel the need and honestly, the preference to live both as a woman and as a man, depending on what the situation permits.   For a long time, I thought that mixed gender identity was somehow dishonest, but it seems to be both a practical compromise, mentally comfortable and an honest self assessment.   After living most of my life assuming I had to be either or, I feel free to live beyond the binary.

1) What is the youngest age you started having feelings?   I think I felt different around age 3.   I knew I was in some way not being male enough and needed to repress/hide this part of myself before grade school.
2) Has anyone Suggested you are possibly trans or did you come to it yourself?  A friend described me as the poster child for dysphoria.   I really had this suspicion about myself ever since I recognized that I felt different(before the term was used).   I lived with a combination of attraction to and fear of the desire to live as a woman….as if one too many steps in that direction and it would become unstoppable.
3) What do you want that can and can’t be facilitated by transitioning?  As noted above, I want to be free to express my feminine side at times and places of my choosing and the same for when I feel comfortable presenting as male.
4) How do you see yourself in ten years?   Wow, I am old enough that I might not be alive in 10 years.
5) What will you potentially loss by transitioning and would it be worth it?  Some family relationships might be lost or degraded.   No it would not be worth it to m.

After answering those Questions

6) What do you feel and desire?   I feel at peace at times when I present as a woman.   I really enjoy going out and socializing with others as a woman.   I desire for covid to be over, so its safe again.

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