This feels like quite a complicated situation. While folks here may offer opinions, to me it feels like working with a therapist may be very helpful. There are many layers here that need to get unwrapped and understood, and this is not the work of a minute. If you do go looking for someone to work with, experience with gender issues is very helpful. Not everyone has that background.
Getting connected with a support group may also be helpful. Since you live here in The Valley, There is one attached to the LGBTQ Center of the Desert and another with the Transgender Health and Wellness Center.
As a piece of information, the term transsexual has fallen out of favor. Folks felt the it connected the transgender experience too much to sex. And, as we know, sex and gender are 2 different things. I have always liked this description: Sex is between your legs and Gender is between your ears. Anyway, in more recent times, transsexual as a reference has evolved to transgender person, trans woman, trans man, etc.