I thought I should share with everyone what I said when I announced myself to the world. Here is the full post from my Facebook page.
The re-birth of Lauren.
In the last post I made, I said that “there have been other developments in my life, resulting from something that has been a part of me since I was a young child. This means there will be some changes coming ahead that I can’t discuss at this time, but your prayers and thoughts are appreciated”.
A long time ago a little person was born on a speeding passenger train, The expectant mother was on her way to meet her father who was a doctor and had offered to deliver the child.
It might have been the motion of the train or the clickety sound of the tracks, but somehow the stork caught up with the speeding train. The child was born and, based on anatomy, was declared a boy and named Lauren. The traditional approach when children are born is to look at the reproductive anatomy and say either, “Its a boy, place him in the boy box.” Or “Its a girl, place her in the girl box.” I’m here to tell you it isn’t that easy. There is now ample proof that things can happen when we are still in the womb that can throw a wrench into the traditional saying, “Boy’s will be boys and girls will be girls.” In my case I looked over the edge of my boy box over at the girl box and realized I was supposed to be over there. I have known since I was a very young child, probably around 4 years old, that something was not right, I always felt I was supposed to be a girl. I grew up with that constant knowledge, always torn by my feelings when I was expected to behave like the first born son and never succeeding. I used to go to sleep at night praying that I would wake up as a girl. Because of my feminine nature and sensitivity I was constantly a target for being bullied and teased while going to school.
In later years I did meet a very pretty young lady named Janice, we married and successfully raised two children. But even during that time I was always aware of the fact that I was not being true to myself but busy trying to portray a masculine person like an actor on a stage, while the feminine person inside had to wait in the shadows. My late wife Janice was aware of my feminine side as I had let her know before we married. We were married for 40 years when cancer finally took her away from me.
I remarried a short time later to another very pretty lady and tried to suppress my femininity and live a life of pretense again.
As many of you are aware, as I have been keeping a journal on this page, last summer I had to have open heart surgery and I was told I almost died. It was while convalescing from that surgery, laying in my hospital bed, that I spent time looking back on my life and looking forward to what might be ahead, that I realized I couldn’t continue hiding the feminine person inside of me in the shadows any longer, the time for her to come alive was approaching. I started having some therapy sessions with several counselors and had to accept the truth that I am and always have been, a transgender woman. Going back to the wrench thrown into things. There have been a number of medical investigations into transgenderism and how it occurs. The results from studies conducted by two universities in Belgium on 2600 transgender people, where each one was placed in an MRI machine and their brain was scanned, showed some remarkable results. In each case the picture of the brain of a transgender woman was identical with that of a biological female, whereas there was a huge difference compared to the brain of a biological male. The question was how and why does this occur. Studies now show that there are hormonal flow changes in the mother that can affect the development of the fetus, sometimes when the fetus receives a hormonal signal from the mother to develop male anatomy the brain receives a signal to become female, the result being a transgendered female. I now knew why I am the way I am and could no longer hide in the shadows for the rest of my life.
I knew I had to let people know and told my spouse first. My family is now aware of my being transgender and it is now time to put an end to the secret that has been hidden all these years and come out to everyone else in my life. I will be transitioning to the person that has been hiding and she will have her turn at living.
I know this will come as a shock and surprise to many of you, and that many will turn away from me. I understand and will hold nothing against you should you do so. You have my best wishes for your future. This is a path I must travel down and have already made steps on. I was given the name Lauren when I was born. During high school, after constant teasing and ending up in girls PE classes and home rooms because of my name, I went to the office and asked them to simply change the spelling to LORNE. My real name was never legally changed to Lorne so my name is still legally Lauren, and now she will have her turn at living.