Hi Nylie, thank you for such a detailed and heart-felt introduction. Iam much the same as you, except I never had the nerve to toss all my guy underwear (that will happen along with all my guy clothes on Jan. 1, 2023 when I socially transition 24/7.
I can’t say I hated myself, but whenever I looked in the mirror I felt like a fraud, or an imposter. I didn’t have any self-love or respect and just drifted through life for decades. Of course, I kept the male costume firmly in place to the rest of the world.
I still have a bad habit of mangling my cuticles, but my nails are gradually growing more feminine. Putting ridge filler and a clear top coat on not only keeps me from biting them, it makes them stronger as a bonus. But I used to gnaw on my nails so much they bled sometimes. That also pretty much ended when I came out to my wife a year ago. HRT has helped with my anxiety level a lot (or maybe just feeling good about becoming what I was meant to be all along?).
Welcome, and I wish you joy and a wonderful experience here!