Reply To: Can I trust myself?

#130933

Thank you Shiloh. I do have a good therapist I got lucky enough through a transgender center. He himself is cisgender I think. I’m not sure but he presents that way and uses he/him pronouns. He has had me doing some activities like drawing myself as I see myself rather than what I was assigned at birth, and doing self-concept workbooks as my former self and as my true self. I doubted myself because I never really formed a strong sense of gender identity. I just became what people around me decided I was.

I think I am grappling with several aspects all at once. Suddenly I am accepting that none of what I was pretending to be was true.

I trust myself that three things are true:

1. I have already accepted that I am a woman. I don’t even feel trans. I just feel stuck in this male body. I wish I could get pregnant and give birth. I know that wont happen, but I feel so free that some day everyone will see who I really am.

2. I have a female identity. I have some masculine identity but not much. If I could choose I would have been born with female anatomy.

3. I am attracted to women, or at least people that express themselves as women. For me this is in a romantic and emotional sense. In a sexual sense I am attracted to female anatomy. I do identify as lesbian. I don’t think I would care if she were a trans woman or cis woman.

I know why I am afraid to trust myself. I have lived in denial my entire life without even knowing it. I think that now that I have accepted myself the gender dysphoria is hitting me hard. I think in the past I just numbed myself to it and could not name it. I also know this because after improving from medication for depression and other mental issues, I still had a lingering sense of wrongness.

It feels like toxins leaving my body. Its horrible but I know I will feel much better afterward.

 

 

3 users thanked author for this post.

©2022 Transgender Heaven | Privacy | Terms of Service | Contact Vanessa | Affiliate

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Transgender Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.