Reply To: Attracted to femininity VS sexual attraction


I have always been attracted to women, I love their company, love being around them. One of the few real joys of my pre- coming out trans days was the rare occasions I was accepted among my female friends as a sort of “honorary one of the girls” and included in their intimate discussions.

A big part of delaying transition had to do with getting the message when I was younger that in order to date girls I had to be a “guy”, so I struggled mightily to shoehorn myself into just enough of cishet masculine normality to be accepted as a heterosexual male.

It was excruciating and exhausting, and I wasn’t very good at it: I was too soft, too empathetic, too disinterested in traditionally male things.

I often thought of myself as a Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

As I got older and learned more about transgender possibilities, I recognized that my attraction is for “femme”, not cis women per se.

I’m not terribly attracted to “butch” women or many “tomboys”. I like soft, smooth, smelling good, breasts and curves; dresses, skirts and lingerie, bling, makeup, and hair; but I’m not overly concerned with crotch plumbing.

There’s the old trans awareness question along the lines of “Do you want to do her, or do you want to be her?” I feel I can honestly say both!

When I started HRT, I wondered whether that would alter my attraction circuits, so far not appreciably.

I’ll confess that I have found an appreciation for attention from pretty traditionally presenting males, I feel flattered and validated to hear from a man that he is attracted enough to me to tell me so, I’ve even pondered accepting an offer to go out, but I’m doubtful I’d want it to go any further (does that make me bi-romantic?).

Basically it’s still femme that get my motor running, they’re the ones I still check out on the street.


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