I’ve come to realize that much of my confusion around my affinity for females comes from my (recently accepted) desire to BE female. I just thought I was girl crazy like other guys when growing up – but now, I’ve seemed to “hack” this attraction in search of acceptance and better understanding myself as a transgendered person.
Explains why I never felt like I was on the right side of the equation when it came to intimacy with women. Explains why I always seemed to confuse my female partners based on my (lack of) physical affection. Explains why I fall in love with people’s minds over their body as well.
I now look at women with a small bit of envy and appreciation of any female expression. I see curves and features I don’t have with longing and a mild sadness… but with hope that one day I can find myself closer in matching my inner female self to what I show the world every day.