Reply To: My first therapy session

#132140

Hi Katie.

I had a very similar experience.  The past 2 months has been the most testing our marriage had ever endured.  Then one morning just over a week ago we had a very difficult talk without fighting.  I stood my ground and she made her feelings very clear.  Since then I allow her to see a bit more of Michelle and so far we seem to have at least crossed a boundary she was previously unwilling to budge on.  As a result we are both a 100% more relaxed and for the past week she has given me space to just be me.  She is starting to realise that transitioning does not change how much I love her and that is a start.  Will our marriage survive this?  I think perhaps not, but this is difficult for our spouses too.  Whatever happens I will always love her and do my best to understand and respect her point of view, although I am no longer able to continue living as a man.  I decided a while back already that if my transition meant that she ended up resenting and hating me for the pain I caused her, I would never hold a grudge or even allow it to escalate in to an ugly mess.  Our spouses all react differently and mine had tons of anger and resentment towards me, but it eventually became pain, then a silent acceptance that  I am not trying to hurt her.  There are surely more pain and arguments and attempts at persuading me to remain as I was when we married to come, but the best I can do is try to understand her own pain in all this and continuously show her that although transitioning for me is a matter of surviving the previous depression, guilt and inability to continue functioning in society, she will continue to remain the most important person in my life.  Our spouses have their own peace to find and decisions to make.  We can only hope for the best outcome possible.  All the best on your journey and I hope your story has a positive resolution in the end.

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