I spent the first five decades of my life trying to convince myself that I was “just a cross dresser” and could limit myself to stockings and panties, and think of this as simply a kink. I knew from a very early age that I was somehow noticeably different in my behavior from my male siblings. I learned to hide it. I knew that from early childhood on I had an attraction towards all things feminine (and a great fear that others would notice).
I managed to deceive myself tor a long long time that it was just an attraction to the clothes. Deep inside, I always wanted more, but I felt my body was too tall and masculine and, even more than that, I feared that if I ever gave into the temptation to dress fully as a woman, I would be drawn inexorably towards transition.
In some respects, my fears have been realized. I did finally did give into that temptation and allowed myself to try dressing completely. I liked the experience and sure enough, I wanted much more. Within a few weeks, I had my own makeup, breast forms, a new wig and the beginnings of my own wardrobe. And within a few weeks more, I was venturing out into the real world…as a woman.
By this time, I stopped thinking of myself as a cross dresser, and began to embrace the idea that I was transgender. Looking back on this life, I have come to recognize that cross dressing is something a few people do, and some of those people dress for fun or sexual pleasure. And some people like me, cross dress because it makes their outsides match more completely to their insides.