This is a difficult situation because you already have people in your life that you have come out to. I am in a situation where I am starting the process of speaking to a therapist about my dysphoria. I told my therapist today that I was not ready to discuss any of my feelings with anyone including my wife because I want to take the time to fully understand how I am feeling and what I want before I come out so I can fully explain what I feel in an articulate way. If you already are sure about who you are and have come out to others I believe the right thing to do is have a discussion with your wife. She will either accept you for who you are or not but at least you can be honest and let her make that decision for her life. This can be difficult because you have to choose between being your full self and keeping the people around you comfortable. If people in your family already know it might be a matter of time before your wife finds out anyway. Sorry this was so long and drawn out but I want you to also know that you are valued and only have one life on earth you should live it for you and let your wife live hers for her.