Reply To: Hi again.

#133417
DeeAnn Hopings
AMBASSADOR

Lilja:

Passing is always a major topic of discussion in the community. Ultimately, all of us have to make peace with where ever we fall on that spectrum. Clearly, some will pass, some will not and some will fall somewhere in between. It is a difficult point for some because of the expectations that we hold, but we have to remember that all who are Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) are not necessarily beautiful or feminine appearing. Unfortunately we often tend to ignore this fact.

Also, we have to remember that the degree to which we may, or may not pass, has nothing to do with the reality that we are transgender. I think that is a hard thing for many to understand, but it is the truth. Sadly, we humans spend a lot of time being unhappy over things that we cannot change or control. How many times have we wished that we had not made a decision that turned out badly? We wished that we had done something different, but the reality is that unless we become proficient in Time Travel, we can’t change that decision. The only thing that we can do is analyze it, figure out what went wrong and incorporate that information into future decisions. Dwelling on things that we cannot change is simply a waste of time and energy, but it something that we humans do all the time.

I have never really understood why a number of lesbians and gay men have difficulty with the trans community. You would think that those from marginalized communities would have some sensitivity for other marginalized communities, but for many that is not the case. On the forum and others, trans people have been surprised by the resistance and lack of understanding from lesbians and gay men. So far, I can’t think of any possible reasons why this is true. Anyway, I do understand what you said and the same problem exists here in the US in many places.

I’m a great one for remembering quotes and lines from songs and movies. One that comes to mind is from a song by Des’ree. I believe she is from the UK.

”Time’s much to short to be livin’ somebody else’s life.”

Words to live by…

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