Hi Nicole,
I don’t have any advice for you. It doesn’t sound to me like you need it. You seem to have weighed the pros and cons of your options, and you seem to have a true understanding of what things might be like with either path.
What I can tell you is that you are not alone. These questions, these doubts plague us all at some point, whether we choose to transition or not.
You don’t need my standard response to these thoughts. My normal comment would be something along the lines of “transition is likely not for you”. Yes, I pretty much always tell anyone who asks my opinion that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Why might I say that? Well, because this path is HARD, and if I can talk a person out of it that easily, then I was definitely correct and it definitely was not a path for them. Only a person who thinks my opinion carries almost no weight is ready to transition.
I don’t know what’s best for you. None of us do, probably not even you at this point. I do think you are prepared to make the decision for yourself though, and to live with the consequences. I can also say with certainty that no matter what happens next, you also will not be alone.
I hope that’s enough.
Rach
