Just had this very discussion the other day around the kitchen table. The Trans community, what a double edged sword. For my own involvement I have been part of the community on several occasions. Back in the late nineties to early two thousands, moved on from it, back again from 2008-2012, left again, then back in 2016-2019 then left again. Now my contact was face to face group meetings, girls night and day hang outs, and the vast online places. I have chatted it up with just about every archetype on the spectrum, and cried with them too. I have seen new faces come and go actually this happens more often then not.
The trans community is a great place to meet like minded friends, feel supported, get information, etc etc. It is also a place where misery love company.
Long ago when I went by Lori, I hung out with a nice group of gurls from the TGEA, most were older and looking for support as this type of thing (online support) did not exist and shame/fear was a huge component to being Trans. I had a second mother of sorts who I looked up to, she was a full transitioned MtF, nicest as could be. She took care of me like a daughter, in fact she did this with several of us or our girls click of sorts. We were the girls get together group and TGEA after party buddies, went and painted the town red as they say. Fun, fun, fun. I was young and was just there for the ride, so did not get into the heavy emotional side of things much back then. However one by one the click started to fall apart, they moved or lost interest, etc. So did I actually, as I moved in to one of my life long dreams of being a parent, oh the longing of wanting to be a mom, and the sacrifices we do.
The next time around I was in a different place. I had finally accepted the fact I was not just a CD but a TS (sry for the use of old terms), of course this time I was looking for emotional support. But as the saying goes girls will be girls and I painted the town red again. Actually being older and more confidant in who I was it was far more wild then before. We skipped the mall shopping trips, trips to the salon, and hit the club scene like girls gone wild. I am a sucker for costumes and dressing up and had more cash then before so… any way this time around I started to really talk to the girls I was hanging with not just chit chat about this and that. You know each and everyone of us, me included had a whole host of emotional baggage. We were all trying our dammedist to escape from it, but it always caught up, and endless tears flowed. Online line was no help either, yes this time I found or founded an online community of sorts, unfortunately the support from online was mostly information sites and no human feed back. The real place to meet people was dating sites, I was one of those unique girls who used the sites for finding like minded friends. Of course this lead to some awkward situations where half… well more then half of my buddies wanted to jump my bones. Never happened however as I am crazy and a huge flirt but one of those kinds of girls who never puts out. I did enjoy the attention of course, who wouldn’t it made me feel special. To this day I still get old friends and such pop up from time to time and want to rekindled something. Back to the tears, here is where things were dark. I can remember many a nights after the party sitting on the hotel bed talking to my friends and crying into our pillows. Until you have plumed the depths of yours and others souls you can never really know how beautiful life really is.
The last time I was part of the community it was more of an online thing and self discovery of sorts. Of course I went out a bit but I was more looking to help my sisters really understand what, who, the emotional side of this whole madness really is. I had to plumb my own pain to do this of course and went into a depression that lasted a year and a day. As some of you can attest too people never noticed as they were self absorbed, rightly so, or they were in a different place or time of transition. Too many I was thought of as an angle or infallibly good person, but only one who has been there can truly understand. Do not ask me about how much a set of boobs cost, or how to change your birth certificate, I have no clue, but you know that tear in the corner of your I have a tissue.
Each and every time in and out of the community I have grown, but with each and every time I was broken, the trans community does not come without its price. I am not saying stay away, but enter with your eyes open and your heart ready.
“Behind every strong confident woman lays a broken little girl who got back up.”
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