I didn’t understand the difference between boys and girls until I was 6-7. Before that I would play dolls and house with a girl cousin of mine and the adults never paid attention to what we were doing. Somewhere around age 4, I was molested by a male relative but I never told anyone because I didn’t think it was bad. I loved the feeling of having silky materials against my skin. As I grew older I never fit in with other boys and was picked on relentlessly. Coming from a strict conservative and religious family, I was led to believe gays and lesbians would go to hell, but I secretly still had sexual relations with older guys. I still didn’t realize I didn’t fit in so joined the military and got married, but the whole time I had severe depression. My first suicide attempt was when I was in high school. I was married and divorced 4 times because I was never satisfied in my role as a man. After my last marriage I thought I was gay and a cross dresser because I had never heard of a trans woman. It’s only recently that I’ve realized that my inner self is female and I want to look the part. I scheduled myself for a doctors appointment to begin the process of HRT. If I don’t see the results I’m happy with I’ll have breast implants. As far as bottom surgery, I don’t think I’ll get it because of the cost and my age. That part of me is insignificant to me anyway.
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