Thanks for sharing your story. I am just a few years behind you in age and began fumbling my way towards some level of transition maybe a decade ago. My clumsy attempt to come out to my (then) wife did not work as well as I had hoped (major understatement). The subsequent attempted retreat was equally unsuccessful and we parted ways.
Over the past five years I have gradually made what I suppose would be termed “social transition”. Since I am single now and semi-retired, I have considerable freedom to live as I choose. I moved to a small resort community four years ago and have gradually been reintroducing myself as a woman.
However, My professional identity and my family interactions remain almost exclusively as a male. I may have to continue this balancing act for the foreseeable future, but even so, I feel very good about my life.
I hope you can arrive at some sort of understanding with your wife!