Sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your wife have experienced. It is a part of life, albeit a very sad part where we can feel totally helpless because there is absolutely nothing we can do to change anything. The only things that we can do is mourn, reset our lives and continue on. It doesn’t make it any easier, but it is what we have to do.
From my observation of the CD and trans communities over about 10 years, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of hard, fast lines drawn between thought processes. There appears to be a lot of Gray, or said another way, there may be a lot less rigidity in these concepts than we might think. Non-binary is an interesting concept. Simply put, it means that people fall outside of the traditional male and female gender thought processes. However, what that looks like can be very different in reality. We can be an amalgam of genders or we can have no particular attachment to any gender or anywhere in between. It becomes envelope more interesting when you mix in gender expression.
You mentioned how family considerations are an important part of your thinking. Many others here have mentioned similar thoughts. Clearly it is a challenge but everyone must solve the equation for themselves in a way that they can live with. For some it has to be full transition which requires acceptance of whatever consequences happen. For others, it is a matter of “close enough” and that’s OK. There is no universal answer and there will never be. But, when all is said and done, each of us has to make peace with our decisions.
However all this works out for you, there is something to remember: it is not a sprint, it is a marathon. As we work through the combinations and permutations of our lives, haste is not our friend.