I only came out myself recently. I can tell you that everyone’s comfort level is different. I was hid for 60 years and ended up depressed and anxious. I didn’t think anyone would be there for me. I did lose two daughters and two brothers but I gained a whole chosen family members. My best friend didn’t support me at first but now is my biggest cheerleader. I live in a red conservative town and state but I was able to find a supportive church which is very important to me.
The only advice I can give you is to do and be what you think is best for you. Cis females I’ve found are usually more accepting.
Best of luck in whichever direction you choose, but don’t expect your femininity to go away because it’ll catch up to you in the end. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. You’re lucky in that you have your wife supporting you, many people do not. I agree with Jack, maybe you should talk with a therapist.
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