I haven’t had a panic attack as you describe. I do however have difficulties when society dictates I have to be abnormal to be perceived as normal in their eyes.
I am MtF transgender and have a very supportive wife. At this stage of my life she is the only one I have come out to. It’s just the opposite for me when it comes to boobs. I slept with my breast forms and it is only natural for me when I get up in the mornings to put on a drees or a skirt and top. I am just being normal because that’s what comes naturally to me.
The problem starts when I have to step outside into society. Society has a different view on what is normal, so for me I have to do the unnatural….I must remove my boobs!
I have to become abnormal to fit into everyone else’s normal world.
I stand there holding my boobs to psych myself up so that I can muster the ability to actually go through with it. To me it’s not normal it’s abnormal and I absolutely hate it. I hate being flat chested. Most times I end up in tears, sometimes sobbing.
So, Archie, I would say I kinda know the feeling, just a bit different. However you look at it neither of us need to be abnormal. It just takes finding the courage to tell society it’s still me, I am just in a different container with a new label!
Good luck at your sister’s graduation.