Reply To: 40 year old begining my journey

DeeAnn Hopings

Thanks! Compliments ALWAYS appreciated!

The thing is, trans women want to be seen as women. Trans men want to be seen as men. So, the question is, why would we do something that undermines the person that we are trying to be?

For those who were Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB), in most cases they could draw on the advice and counsel of mothers, grandmothers, aunts and big sisters. Typically trans women don’t have this luxury. The converse is also true for trans men. Somehow, we need to learn “The Rules Of The Game”, or else we will stand out in ways that are not good. I think everyone wants to “belong” in a way that is consistent with how they think of themselves.

There are many stories here where trans women discuss how difficult and how uncomfortable their lives were as men, or at least trying to be men or pretending to be men. We have to remember the expectations that those around us hold and that also extends to society at large. Trying to fit into that mold is often very hard to do.

While we know that there are TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) out there, I’ve been fortunate not to run into any (at least that I know of). But, the important thing is to realize that we are trying to fit into a realm where we have no history. It is not unlike starting a new job or moving into a new neighborhood. We have to understand what it takes to be a part of that new situation in a way that we can live with. Further, we all may be pretty different in that respect. Once again, it is not a one size fits all situation.

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