Nice to meet you, Jennifer,
Your concerns are normal and so are you so please stop doubting who you are. I know that it far easier said than done but you can begin by acknowledging yourself as a person. As a person you, and only you, decide who you are and who you want to be. You already know that you are not comfortable being a man, or only a man. You know that you have a feminine side and she wants to express herself which is your right as a person.
You are normal for the way you were born just as those who are born lefthanded or with red hair are normal. Being born trans is normal as is being born with ASD. I know because I was born with both those conditions and had to hide them my entire life. It was only once I accepted that this is who I am, a trans person with ASD, that I realized that this is my normal state of being.
It doesn’t matter if it isn’t the same as what others call “normal” because their normal isn’t exactly perfect either. Here is something to always keep in mind, they don’t get to determine what is normal for you just as you don’t for them. We are all just part of a spectrum and where we are is our place and our normal, not theirs.
Before committing to HRT your obligation is to learn as much as you can about how it will affect you and there is a lot of useful information available online with TGH being a great place to start. In addition to the physical changes there will be mental and emotional changes so having a support system is a good idea. While there are some excellent mental health sources available there are also some that are deceptive. They will pretend to be “trans friendly” while having an anti-trans agenda. If you are ASD the wrong type of therapist might do you more harm than good. Research them beforehand.
Fortunately you have come to the right place where you can feel safe sharing what you are experiencing. Hopefully you will make some new friends who can offer you tips and advice so that your transition results in you becoming the person you are both inside and out.
Kind regards, Rowena 👩🦳