Reply To: Mom meeting Lisa for the first time

DeeAnn Hopings

Sadly, the “What did I do wrong?” thing is so prevalent. The problem is that people believe that we are all born cisgender and heterosexual, so something has to happen in order to change that.


I anyone has ever read coming out stories by gay or trans people, a common thread is that they KNEW they were different in some way, compared to their peers. They didn’t understand what is was and had no vocabulary for it, but they KNEW they were not like the other kids.

So, at single digit ages, what could have happened to them?

The answer is NOTHING. They came that way. Think about this. Conversion therapy doesn’t work, so then we ask the question: Why doesn’t it work?

It doesn’t work because you can’t change something that is innate to humans. Several years ago, a group of people who founded, led or worked in ex-gay conversion therapy organizations published an open letter. They realized that the “therapy” doesn’t work and that more harm than good was caused.

An excerpt from that text:

”We know first-hand the terrible emotional and spiritual damage it can cause, especially for LGBT youth. We once believed that there was something morally wrong and psychologically “broken” about being LGBT. We know better now. We once believed that sexual orientation or gender identity were somehow chosen or could be changed. We know better now. We once thought it was impossible to embrace our sexual orientation or sexual identity as an intrinsic, healthy part of who we are and who we were created to be. We know better now.”

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