Hi, I’ve read all the replies and it’s interesting how similar the experiences are. Mine is classic. Knew I was different as a kid. Began crossdresing as a teen. I wanted to be a girl but didn’t think I was trans. It was the 70s after all.
Decided I was a crossdresser and stayed in denial even though looking back I was clearly trans. Pursued the male life. A typical tale.
Anyway eventually I accepted myself as trans but was still conflicted. The duality. How could I call myself trans when I had typical male interests? Meanwhile I was ignoring my female ‘side’ and the fact that I think and behave in a typical female way. Something friends noticed about me and commented on even though I felt I was hiding it brilliantly.
So it seems there was a male side and a female side and they seemed to conflict.
So how to deal with it?
I eventually realised something. There are no sides.
I’m a woman.
That’s it. Sure I was born a boy and had testosterone change my body. Certainly I tried to fit in as a man. I have interests that are more typically male. But that’s just stereotyping. I know plenty of women who have similar interests, particularly these days.
I’m just a trans woman. Not gender fluid and no non binary. No ‘they’. I’m a she.
I didn’t choose to be female. I’m simply a woman. Once I realised this truth. It was like a weight was lifted.
No disrespect to those of us who see themselves as gender fluid or non binary or have male and female sides. We must all find our own way. I was there not so long ago.
But there’s no sides for me. I am but one person and she’s a woman.
I don’t have a male persona.
That’s how I deal with it.