Reply To: 40 year old begining my journey

DeeAnn Hopings

No, I don’t do hidden meanings. As you have probably noticed, MANY trans women have a thing about “passing”, not everyone but a clear majority from what  I’ve seen. So, many have prioritized their presentation over whatever else. However, if our behaviors are out of the expected realm for women, it will attract scrutiny. As trans women, close scrutiny is not what we want. As an example, suppose that we are in a group of cisgender women and we’re sitting with one leg pointed eastward and the other pointed westward, that would be pretty unorthodox. It is very unusual for women to sit like that. So, it begs the question if that is unusual, what else is unusual about this person? Even if one appears to be a cross between Ann Hathaway and Halle Berry, our actions can work against us.

When we put together a nice outfit or develop our makeup skills, the feedback loop is pretty quick. We pretty much know if we look good or not. However, the social skills and the body language part requires that other people be around as that is where the feedback comes from. We may not know if our actions are OK or not until someone reacts. While the goal is to fit in, we may not exactly know how to do that.

So, what I’ve said are some things to think about as your journey progresses. I think presentation is the easy part. Behaviors are more subtle and difficult as we are working against our history.

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