welcome n I am sorry dear. it seems you’ve traveled a road many of us took, but your wife is still there, n may stay or may leave. that’s a terrible choice for you to have to make, but if I may offer perspective?
my wife moved in n I had forgotten my entire spare bedroom was missy closet n dressers,..oops. we had a similar chat..who’s? why? you know. my wife offered she would be ok with it either way, part of the marriage or not? I chose or not. I’ve since lost her to heaven.
my therapist n I pondered how life would have been different had I been ready back then. my loss, but I was nervous, n she had even offered to help. who knows how it would have gone ?
I cannot pretend to know the right answer for you dear. all I can do is welcome you, offer you stories n support, n hope for good things for you n all my family here.