Reply To: HRT & Sexuality changes


I concur with DeeAnn that there are misconceptions and yes, I too had some of them until I took the time to try and make sense of it for myself.

Genitals can be male, female or both (intersex) at birth. This is how a stereotypical “gender” is assigned in our current heteronormative society.

Attraction to others can be opposite sex (heterosexual), same sex (homosexual), both (bisexual) or neither (asexual).

Gender is how you perceive yourself irrespective of your genitalia or attraction to others. Gender can align with genitals while attraction to others can be any of the above. For transpeople gender does not align with their genitals while attraction to others can be any of the above.

Is this confusing? Yes, but not anywhere near as confusing as trying to figure out which stereotypical box you are supposed to be in after opting to transition. I have, at this point in my treatment, come to appreciate that I am Gender-Fluid which means I fall somewhere near the middle of the gender spectrum.

When I was presenting as a male and married to a woman I masked as a heterosexual male, albeit not your typical cis male. My sex was male, my attraction was to the opposite sex and no one knew that inside part of me was female. I occupied the stereotypical boxes. Everything changed after my soulmate died.

Now that I am in my 2nd year of transition I am still attracted to cis women but so far none of them see me as a suitable mate. I have yet to meet a male that I find attractive but I am not ruling that out anymore since I found myself attracted to a crossdressing homosexual. At this point the attraction is still in it’s infancy so I have no idea if that will even go anywhere.

Yesterday I bumped into a female acquaintance that I had been seeing casually until she moved away. She is back now and made it clear that she still wanted to be my friend. Will that go anywhere? I have no idea so I am still in limbo.

As far as my libido goes I had a normal sex drive and intimate relationship with my spouse, nothing kinky even though she was aware that I cross dressed in private. After starting HRT I am experiencing another bout of puberty but this time with a variation I never anticipated. Please note that I am taking estrogen supplements while not taking anything to suppress my testosterone.

One of my misconceptions was that estrogen would prevent me from having erections. The opposite seems to be the case but what I never expected was the ability to have multiple orgasms with and without erections.

In summary HRT and sexuality changes are weird and wonderful all at the same time. Nothing is going to force me to go back into that stereotypical box even if I never find another special person to share my new life. I am happy to be who I am now and I don’t care if I don’t fit into any silly boxes.

I am a transperson and I can relate to other transpersons who are experiencing similar changes to my own. My sex is closer to androgenous, my attraction is open and accepting and I am genderfluid given that I perceive things as both male and female. That places me somewhere on the spectrum and I am quite happy not belonging in a stereotypical box any longer.

Kind regards, Rowena👩‍🦳


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