Stephanie,
My gender dysphoria is always present. Sometimes it’s a non issue and other times it brings me to tears.
So, when it’s bad, at times I feel that it just isn’t fair. It’s not fair for anyone who is transgender. It’s not fair that everyone else is walking around being their self, wearing a genuine smile, while I am forced to live my life (while out in public) based solely on the sex I was at birth. Cis people think one’s sex and their gender are one and the same.
I believe that transgender people are the worlds best actors or actresses because when everyone sees us they think everything is wonderful and our smile is real. When in reality I am dying inside. I feel like I am wearing a Halloween costume with a smiley face mask.
I believe that every transgender person has a vision of themself as they are meant to be and therein lies the source of the dysphoria. How I envision myself and my actual self are not the same. I would like to think that if I ever make the transition to how I envision myself then my gender dysphoria would become a thing of the past.
In the mean time I hang on and try to enjoy all the highs of this roller coaster ride I’m on!
Hugs, Kelly
