This has been such an interesting thread. I think I qualify as older …now having entered my 8th decade.
For most of that life…at least the first 45 years, I suppose I saw myself as a fetish dresser because that seemed/felt more acceptable and less risky than understanding my deeper needs and motivations. I even came out to the woman who would become my second wife on the basis that it was a kink. Deep down I may have known better, but I still feared coming to terms with the idea of being transgender,.
Well, we all know the story. It wasn’t long before wearing stockings and panties were not enough. Like many of us, I felt a growing curiosity and growing interest in dressing fully as a woman, something I feared as the proverbial slippery slope.
Turns out, it was indeed slippery. At around 50 years of age, and within weeks of privately trying on a few of my wife’s things that were forgiving in size, I found myself deeply interested in exploring how to dress and present myself persuasively as a woman, and I began, finally to understand myself as transgender. All that came before began to make sense.
When I was in my 20’s I had once donned a wig that belonged to my first wife. I glimpsed in the mirror and saw a disturbingly feminine reflection…something I wanted to be but deeply feared. 30 years later, I remember looking into the mirror again, this time dressed in clothes I had purchased for myself, outfitted with a wig and breast forms, and reasnably well done makeup. My thought then was an enthusiastic “I can do this!”
Perhaps aging frees us from the hormonal drives that seem to muddle gender identity with sexual identity. At least for me, I began to experience a purely non-sexual satisfaction from being able to experience life as a woman. Now, 20 years later, though I still maintain a male facade when necessary, I find I am much happier living life as a woman. Despite occasional moments of self doubt, I really never want to go back to a purely male existence.