To change topics, over the years I’ve read MANY messages, here and on other forums, where people say that they wished they had not denied their real feelings so long, came out sooner, etc. However, the question is: Had they done these things earlier, were they really ready at that point in time? That’s a real question mark for me and I suspect that it would be for others also. Had we come out as a crossdresser or as a transgender person earlier in life, would we have been prepared to make the necessary choices and sacrifices? I’m fairly certain that I would not have and I suspect that would be true for many others.
Thank you so much for bringing this point up, DeeAnn.
To answer the question I can unequivocally state that I would still be a closeted crossdresser today if my soulmate was still alive. Even after having experienced Gender Euphoria I would still sacrifice that to have her back in my life. She was worth that and more to me.
However that “choice” was made for me leaving me with only having to deal with my grief and how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Opting to try HRT was the right decision and, according to my daughter, I am a much happier person than she recalls me as being when I was still in the closet.
Would I “sacrifice” any of the time I had with my soulmate for an earlier start date to begin HRT given what I know now? No, because my maternal instinct simply would not allow me to do something “selfish” that would probably hurt those I loved.
I appreciate that each of us has a different perspective and if I was in a less than ideal situation than I was my decision could well have been a very different one so I am in no position to question when and why others choose what is best for themselves.
What I have now is my new life, an exploration of my femininity and an empowerment of me as the person I genuinely am. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I refuse to allow “regrets” to spoil what I now have. I was never allowed to have pink toenails as a child but I take a childlike glee in having them now.
Kind regards, Rowena 👩🦳