So, do I want to be a girl? I’d have to answer “yes”. Is it possible? I’m wavering on the answer to that – that would be a more “try back later” response. I can’t even say for sure that I need to transition – other than I’ve always felt like there’s been a hole in my life – like I’ve “missed out” on being female. Don’t get me wrong – in this Patriarchal Society on this rock (spinning around, third in line from this yellow star) it’s more advantageous to be male than female, but I would have rather had the struggle as a female, than be “given” so much as male (and be mentally ‘tortured’ all my life of longing for a female life, but stuck in a male body!)
I thought I was on the right path… letting my hair grow, shaving/epilating body hair, taking estrogen, I even had plans for getting an orchiectomy (first incremental surgical step to physical transition), but the Pandemic stopped that short, and now with the growing tensions and violence towards our LGBTQ+ Community, and especially targeting the Transgender Community, I find I’m in limbo on my transition.
It’s very hard to be Transgender anymore (not surgically – there’s much more advances in surgical treatment today than just 10 years ago… that is, IF you can afford it!) As much as there are more people supporting Transgendered folks, there’s the perception that even more are opposing us – and it has not stopped at words. Now it includes open hostility, stalking, violent acts, and anti-Trans/LGBTQ+ laws/legislation being created to reduce or eliminate our rights – not just in the United States, but in other countries as well!
Do I want to be a girl? Oh SOOO much, I do! But now I wish I were a cis-girl – so I wouldn’t be a target for the ever-growing Transmisia happening. Although now it’s even hard to be a cis-girl since Roe was overturned!
It’s just a s***-show out there anymore, and I’m finding it more and more desirable to shutter myself in the house and not go out in public. I guess I’m “back in the closet” in every way, and I’m saddened by this world and hating it at the same time!
Sorry for being such a “Debbie-downer”.