Amy,good for you that you’re realizing this now at 45. I was 59 when I determined I was TG. No turning back ever since. I too was an early crossdresser and felt like you that I am more “like” those girls! I want to wear that dress and makeup, etc. I am almost 64 now and have never been happier as when I can be Miss Hope for about 24-36 hours straight. I never want to take off my girl clothes. I hate man clothes.
But we have to live within our constraints. My wife says no transition during her lifetime!!
You go girl!