Hi, it’s Melissa. I read that you were not sure if you are transgender or just a cross dresser. I wanted to give you some info on my experience. I am 67 and I started cross dressing in secret when I was 8 years old. I would wear my mother’s clothes when no one was around. I was raised Catholic at the time and I remember silently praying for God to make me a girl in church. As I grew up and went to college I continued to cross dress secretly. I had so much internal shame and guilt that I asked my doctor for anti-depressant meds. I never told anyone the real reason I was so depressed. The medication helped but didn’t cure the problem. In 1988 I married thinking I could keep it under control and I did. However I continued to cross dress in secret. In 2008, when my mother died, I was overwhelmed and had to tell my wife the truth through tears. I sought therapy and went to a transgender support group which helped immensely. My wife was very supportive but feared that I was going to transition. I promised her that I would not transition as long as we were together. It was a painful promise, but it was an act of love. She passed away in 2019. Again the gender dysphoria has returned with a vengeance. I must now transition or there is a real possibility that I might do something terrible to myself.
The point is being transgender is a lifelong issue and it only gets worse as we age. Once you are certain you are transgender, then start planning to transition sooner rather than later.
I hope this helps.