Please don’t take what I’m about to say wrongly. I’ve been listening to Utube videos by a PhD trans counselor by the name of Dr. Z, Dr. Z, PhD. Much of what you are telling us about yourself she has talked about. So, what I don’t want you to take wrongly is I hope you’re not playing a game with the members of this site. I probably wouldn’t say this, but you were so extensive in describing everything and generally I don’t see such full descriptions.
Dr. Z often encourages people with these issues to find a local counselor interested in these issues. Perhaps you may want to find her on the internet and listen to some of her broadcasts. Best of luck. I know I was once worried I could be crazy, but I no longer feel that way. By the way, I found a therapist a couple years ago and I only recently stumbled upon Dr. Z.